This is the essence of time: it moves invisibly, only noticeable through the changing of the Seasons or the artificial record of the clock. It is marked in our minds through events and memories, which can seem so present until at last we realise that feeling of a memory has started to fade: the memory itself is now firmly in the past.
So much has occurred this past year, and yet it feels like it just happened. I’m afraid to lose all that has occurred to my frail memory. The big major moments are jotted down below:
January
We said farewell to 2019 and rang in the New Year of 2020 at our place, with just Ben and Jo, Deeg and Louise as guests. If memory and pictures serve correctly, it was a good craic: plenty of food and drinks and we ended up playing a self-made game of charades that my brother taught me at Christmas in 2017. It produced some pretty epic laughs, as naturally everyone had written down some pretty rude objects/names/etc to guess, and miming certain scenarios that had us peeling with laughter. (Some notable examples based on the videos include “Mac’s hairy balls”, “violent anal”, “no dairy no eggs”, “AIDs” (because why not), and “runner’s nipples.”)
Competed with my friend Cat at Crossfit Murrayfield in a local competition, and we ended up winning it! Well, sort of: we tied with another group from a different gym, but somehow Wull (head coach) managed to explain how we won based on…nothing really, he just declared us the winner. I found the 5 events satisfying and do-able, nothing too extreme and out of my fitness comfort zone.
February: Birthday. Seb took me as a surprise to the Mhor Hotel for a one night getaway with Kaiden. Seb pitched the day to me as just a quick trip to the Highlands to do some hillwalking, but when we pulled into the parking lot of the Hotel, Seb said “oh no, I forgot our tent, looks like we will have to stay at this four star hotel!”
The first afternoon we arrived we set off to hike a munro without a map and only vague directions, which is my absolute LEAST favorite way to do any outdoor activity. I went along and tried to keep my agitation and frustration with Seb at bay, wishing that he would love maps and preparedness as much as I want him to. But I reminded myself to just be easy and go with the flow and enjoy being outdoors. I had minimal success at this, and the 2.5 hour hike was an exercise in getting battered by wind and rain, in typical Scottish fashion. By the end of it, our waterproofs and down jackets were soaked through, hands were frozen and retreating to the safety of our hotel room was a delight. The next day we did a bit more reading up and we found the directions to the munro we wanted to hike. The weather was much better, and we were the only ones up on the hillside. In the end though we ended up turning back about 600m from the summit due to the gale force winds and snow, and our general lack of preparedness for such conditions.
But most of all, I remember feeling particularly down about turning 30 and officially becoming “old.” What have I done with my life? What have I achieved? Nothing much, nothing of consequence to me (that still remains the same sitting here on 1 January 2021…)
The next week I flew alone to surprise my family in Montana. My brother and sister in law just had their first baby. It was a pivotal time for us LeBlanc’s as a family: things were changing, we are beginning to have and start families of our own.
March/April/May/June/July: we stayed at home and did what we could: hiking and biking locally and tending to our house and starting a garden. Spent some very good nights/parties and BBQs with friends in the area. Seb and I encountered each other in a new way, in that we were around each other nearly every day. While this can show the faults in people’s relationships, and Seb and I did fight during this time as we co-habited in a new way, in the end we learned and came through it together as a couple.
Later that summer, in August when I was furloughed from work and Seb had ample annual leave from his IT job, we took a last minute trip to Ardnamurchan and Singing Sands with the Bathgates to camp for two nights on a secluded beach. That was such a special camping trip: we had to wade through the crystal clear waters to get to our site and when we packed out, we used a kayak to paddle to nearest marina since the tide was in.
Later in September, Seb and I traveling to Colonsay with Ben and Jo for 5 nights. In our AirBnB there was a tiny TV and the standard small helping of leftover children’s DVDs, and one or two adult-aged choices. And also a 17 episode BBC drama Bleak House, with Seb’s favorite, Gillian Anderson, based on Dickens’ novel. It turned out to be the sleeper hit of our trip: every night after dinner we would cram on the small sofa, a glass of wine for us girls and drams for the boys, and watch 2 to 3 episodes.
Our days always started off with the lovely ritual of making coffee, and then a shared breakfast while discussing options for exploring. We hiked various parts of the Island, always in the name of finding a beach. We went to one in the Northeast of the Isle that was so blue and clear and full of scols of fish, it could have been in the Carribean, had it not been 10deg C out, and even colder water! We kayaked in one of the beaches and Seb and I managed to kayak-surf some waves (and naturally get toppled by one). One day was devoted to exploring the tidal Island where an old monastery lay in ruin and which parts of it had been converted into- what else- a fancy guest house. That was the one day where the weather was actually pretty standard Scottish. The rest were blue bird days, which made us feel lucky.
And I don’t want to forget how I convinced Seb to wake up with me before the sun rose on our last morning, and hike to the top of the monument hill to watch dawn break over the horizon. Jo ended up joining us to, unexpectedly, and we spent well over 30 minutes basking in the new light of day and watching it dance on the hebridian sea 400 meters below us. I wouldn’t mind forgetting the only event which marred our trip that occurred right after: we all forgot about the 10am checkout time (me especially, as the one who booked the airbnb). The cleaner was livid that we weren’t out in time, and Airbnb ended up charging us.
October/November/December: More road cycling! AND the biggest change of all: we got a Covid-19 puppy. Part of this was spurred by a decision earlier in the year in which I realised I was not ready to have kids, not just yet. I do not have a career I like and feel confident in. Nor do I feel that Seb and I could handle a little baby and raise a kid together at this point in our lives and still be a healthy and happy family. But a good way to learn and grow is to trial our parenting out with a puppy, so that is what we did. I saw her advertised on facebook and while I wouldn’t normally advocate buying puppies off social media (too prone to puppy farming!), I called both the sire and mother’s owners and had chats with them. Brea came into our lives on the 3rd of December after a long day trip up to Aberdeen to fetch her. She’s been a joy and balm on our hearts each day since.
And for New Years: we spent it up at the Bathgates for a classic Barn Party.
And now at least here is the ending, brought to us by a new beginning. Torn away from an old page, and faced with a new: how bright the days look when you face something through.
CLB Collins 